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Is social media really connecting or isolating us?

One of the strongest need of the hour is to connect. Authentically connect! But are we truly connected? Let’s go through a few questions before starting the discussion.

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👎 Do you get upset when someone replies late to your messages?

👎 Do you get upset when your bae or boo forgot to send you a good morning or good night text kiss?

👎 Do you get disappointed by seeing only blue ticks and no replies?

👎 Do you take a pause of 5 minutes to reply a message to not sound creepy?

👎 Do you delete your long messages filled with emotions and feelings or cut short it , to not look desperate or weak?

👎 Are you afraid of calling someone and instead choose to text them? (fuck, i just texted my sir to give my online lecture payment) Because it puts you in an uncomfortable situation.

It is so much easier to polish what you can say when you don’t say it directly, but record a message or write a text. It is so much easier to put up a nice facade when you have a technology screen between you and the audience. It is much easier to hide. Hide behind a mask. In fact, we have learned to unconnect from others. We have started calling rather, than dropping in for a visit. We have started texting rather, than calling. We have started posting for our followers, rather than staying in touch.

True problem of today’s society is the loneliness pandemic. We live in big buildings, we have so many flats, so many people around us. We live in this world where we are separated by a lot of people. On social media, we have hundreds, thousands of friends. I have more than 1000 friends on Facebook (not a single one i interact with). Some of us have millions of followers on Instagram. We live in a world of bit sized communication. People usually put their best face on social media, which isn’t true.

  1. Don’t reply to a message too fast, its creepy
  2. Don’t write very long messages, its creepy.

We are so obsessed with our reach, that we have unlearned to connect. Research shows that number one killer in society is social isolation and loneliness. I am a space admin at Quora. Most of the questions i come across are,

  1. Why do we feel alone even though we are connected to each other by technology ?
  2. I feel very alone almost everytime ,but there is no best friend with whom i can share everything. How can i solve this problem?
  3. Whenever, i turn on my internet, i don’t get any Whatsapp notification. No one is there to talk with me and sometimes i feel like crying. What should I do?

Here is the one of the lovely answers to them

The small devices don’t only change what we do, but also changes what we are

Sherry Turkle

‘Before it was, i have a feeling i want to make a call. Now it is, i want to have a feeling , i need to send a text’. We all sit together to be more apart from each other. Sherry Tuckle in her book ‘Alone together‘ says, we expect more from technology and less from each other. What’s the problem with real life conversation? (keeping in mind social distancing). It takes place in real time and you can’t control what you say. Texting, emailing, posting all of these things let us present ourselves, how we want to. We can edit, we get to retouch ,we get to delete.

https://instagram.com/apeksha_0811?igshid=1w3vi71eu6zsd

I may say, i am thinking about you, i have started liking you. But, you never know the emotions associated with those texts. You can’t express your emotions through technology. Even though, you feel like crying, you are angry, you are upset, you end up sending a smily emoji ☺ to sound friendly. ‘We sleep thinking always being connected would make us less alone, but we are at risk.’ Opposite is true. ‘If we are not able to be alone, we are going to be lonely.’

If we don’t teach our children how to be alone, they will only know how to be lonely- Sherry Turkle

Problem is not with the social media. Problem is how we define it, priortize it and use it. Convenience has made us lazy. More likes = more self esteem. This is how we define ourselves. Your worth is based on how many comments you get. We have reduced our vocabulary. Example : omg, lol, wtf (what the face),haha.

Are we using social media to benefit the society? Is someone profiting from your posts? Or are you using it to post your dog pictures which nobody likes ?

What i personally recommend is keeping no gaps while texting. You see a notification, you reply right away. (allot a time for texting, doesn’t mean you sit like a moron texting the entire day) Have something worthwhile to do in life. You see someone commented on your post , reply them right away. Let them know they are associating with humans and not with a person displaying fake facade. Try calling more than texting. Try meeting more people than calling (wait, don’t not be in a hurry now, lockdown is going on)

http://Photo by fauxels from Pexels

I think we all lived better if we had hands to hold, rather than keys to click – Allison Graham

Social media doesn’t give you real life warm hugs, hot soups, coffees. Now, the time is to prioritize real life connections. It will suck at firstttt. But the more you make yourself vulnerable, more people will understand and connect with you.

So what do you do to maintain real life connections during the pandemic ?

Let me know in the comments.

Do share the blog to help someone who may need this article, you never know, you may unknowingly save someone’s life. Do share to Pinterest, Whatsapp, reddit or any social media platforms you use.

How to overcome Insecurity?

Read all the articles here. Link to the articles are provided below. Join the journey to a secured life now by reading now.

You may visit unfc.site to read the articles in detail

Grey Eyed Monsters -Roots of Envy and Jealousy – Unfuckwithable

roots of jealousy

roots of jealousy insecurity

the roots of jealousy

what are the roots of jealousy

what causes envy psychology

root of envy bible

envy psychology

characteristics of an envious person

how to overcome envy

signs of envy

what causes envy

can envy cause harm?

what is insecurity

types of insecurities

effects of insecurities

overcoming insecurity

what causes insecurity in a relationship

insecurity examples

How to overcome fear of failure?

Failure is an inevitable part of life. 

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We stop ourselves from doing things,  we always wanted to, only because we fear we will fail. 

  1. Fear of asking your crush out!
  2. Fear for asking for a increase in salary pay. 
  3. Fear of going up on stage. 
  4. Fear of asking your boss payment during the pandemic! 
  5. Fear of losing family, friend’s respect when you opt to try something new! 
  6. Fear of failing in a relationship
  7. Fear of accepting reality

(You know you suck, but you still pretend you don’t)

I don’t say fear is bad or is a negative emotion.


How  was fear during stone age times? 
Fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger that has been pivoted throughout evolution. If people didn’t feel fear, they wouldn’t be able to protect themselves from legitimate threats which often had life or death consequences in the ancestral world. 

You can say a fight or a flight situation. You either fight or resort to flight for survival. 

How is fear in current times? 


Nowadays, the stakes are low.
 You obviously don’t have huge animals running behind you.

Or a hot head savage (clothed in leaves)  running behind you.

Or a short faced bear and sabertooth cats trying to eat you up. 
But we do still have the fight and flight mental thing. 
So going for a first date feels like a fight or flight situation. 
Thanks to me, i took science during college days. I understand this so well. 

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Everything seems scary at first

Suppose you have been on a date.Then you go to a second date ,then a third. Years pass and you master the dating process .
..Then you think, its not that scary as it looked like at the first place. 

Everything at the first place looks scary and agitating. 

According to psychology,  its like a loop. 

Once you understand a game, you become more confident around it

Also it works the reverse way as well.

Once you develop a fear, you develop more fears around it. 

A short motivational story

When i was in 10th std , i was a studious teen . Always listening to teachers, obeying them, being a good child. What i sucked at was i never could talk or give a speech publicly. 
I used to be called to speak on mike for assembly. (Assembly is a short prayer type before school routine starts) 
Speaking on mike made me nervy. Making a mistake there, used to eat me up with guilt.
Then i was the school’s prelim topper. So at the farewell party, after all the lovely program set for us, i had to do the most difficult part. 


Go on stage to accept felicitations. And give a goddamn speech on how will i top the final exams as well!!! 

..

..
And then it happened. 
I gave my best speech i could ever give, in a minute. 

This is what i said. 

I will top, you don’t worry, i will top, i will make our principal proud😂😂.

Though i didn’t get any claps, all i got were these words from the principal. 


You are the school topper and you gave such a horrible speech”

That ate me up for a few months. 

Now i am in my degree college. I am a  science tutor at a  renowned  class in Mumbai . I give amazing presentations in college as well as in class. I am a phenomenal speaker now. 

How i can now easily do the things i always wanted to? Years of practice, writing scripts, rewriting them. Making myself vulnerable. Accepting honest feedback got me here. 

The thing i hated 5 years ago i love it now.It all started with the failure i received years back. 

If i never experienced that, i wouldn’t have been here. 


How to overcome fear of failure? 
I will discuss 4 proven methods which i myself use a lot! 

1. Having smart goals.

According to google-have 50% goals which have 50% chance of failure

Google applies this strategy to all its goals. It failed at google plus, google waves, google videos, google talk to name a few. 

2.Writing down your fears. 

Journalling helps lot in this case.  I myself journal a lot,  i write about difficult emotions which cannot be handled.

 If you want to know more about how to start journalling and its benefits, let me know in the comments. I will making a blog on how to properly journal to boost productivity.

3. Preparing yourself for the worst

You could ask yourself about what worse can happen in a situation

You may get rejected. 

You may get turned down. 

You may  get bogged down. 


What more can happen? 
Is that the worse ? 

You see your mind can elevate a thought to look like a monster. It can also make it look petite.  

Knowing the worse, helps in handling failures well. 

4. Having a positive attitude 

What would you do differently if you were absolutely guaranteed of success in any undertaking?” Would you try more things? Would you keep working long after others would have given up? People who have positive attitudes are successful because they keep trying even after others give up.

What methods have you been using successfully for overcoming fear?Let us know in the comments! 


Don’t forget to share to friends and family. 

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Why you should stop using Sayatme and Sarahah apps immediately?

I at unfcukwithable.wordpress.com teach you how to be Unfuckwithable. Most of my viewers are in their teens or are in mid 30’s.

Unfuckwithable

What we as a young generation don’t know is that, 

We keep on giving a fuck about everything life throws at us. 

It may be a new netflix series which everyone is crazy about, or a new trending app like tiktok or confession apps like sarahah and sayatme. 

Never follow a crowd in wrong doing

If you didn’t know the apps, its like users can download the app from playstore or  can sign up for an account on google. Then they can link this account to instagram, snapchat and facebook. Such way it allows people to share their anonymous m

If you also are using sarahah or sayat me, let me ask you a few questions.


👎Did someone anonymously tell you are handsome and charming? (if you’re a boy). 

👎Did someone anonymously tell you are beautiful , lovely . And they have a secret crush on you? (if you’re girl).

👎Or are you among someone who received an abusive message and you are wondering who sent that? 

👎Are you still judging yourself on the message? 

👎Are you figuring out the entire day, who may be the people, who are sending you anonymous messages?

👎Do you also post such anonymous messages ,which you get, on instagram, facebook stories to find the person who wrote it?


I am like f*ck these apps. 
What am addressing here is a serious issue. 

All humans have a  natural tendency to seek validation  from others

So shy, timid even confident people fall trap to such apps. 

An anonymous good compliment,   kind words can boost your morale. People who use these apps consistenly look for their admirers.
But what you don’t know is that you are exposing yourself to unnecessary shit ,abuse and criticism. On which you have no control over. 
Suppose Frank is really a lovely person . He sees all his friends have a  sayatme account. He also plans to open one. He links it  to his instagram id. Some days pass, he constantly checks that account to see who commented about him. If he doesn’t find any comment, he feels sad. One day frank opens his account to see an abusive message sent by an anonymous person. In that it is written, frank is a creep and a disgusting person. He never knows who wrote that. But, he internalizes himself to what that unknown person told him. He starts hating himself. But he one day shares this to his good friend Jim.  Jim tells him that he is really a lovely person and he should not internalize that message. Frank decides to delete the app. Somedays pass, frank is again a happy person. 

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Moral of the story: Not all of us have friends like Jim to guide us(pun intended).

For not everybody is that strong to handle such things. 

But who are those people who abuse or bully you anonymously through sayatme and sarahah? 

Your long search ends here. 
Studies says, that people reveal their true colours if they get a chance to hide their identity. If they hate or grudge against you, they anonymously throw their disgust at you through such messages. The person who does such things may have better sleep, but on the other hand your sleep will be shattered.  


Reading such comments shatters your confidence. You may suffer from anxiety, sadness and may even go into depression. Worse you may even suicide. I care for my viewers and so i wrote this. 
Also i know my viewers won’t get into such a trap. 

Conclusion : Avoiding such apps for your mental health(don’t even try them).  
I know its not easy for people to stop seeking validation from people overnight.

You are enough, you were always enough, you will always be enough

Don’t validate yourself by depending on others or seeking their approval. 
If you liked this post, Click to share this  .How many of your friends use sayatme or sarahah?

 Do let me know in the comments! 

Also don’t forget to share the blogs on Whats app, Pinterest or any other social media platform you use. This encourages me to write more and ultimately help you more.

Thank you for reading. 

You may follow me on social media as well.

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